Listen here, Hanna because I have a couple of things I would like to say to you.
1) I didn’t leave sunny Florida and learn how to drive in snow to live through hurricanes. I live HOURS from the beach. Hurricanes are unacceptable.
2) Enough with the power flashing on and off. I am sick to death with starting all of my posts over and over. This is also very pesky when it comes to all of the e-mails I have to send for my preschool job (why did I agree to be on the board again?). I have enough stress today without having to reboot my computer and reset every clock in the house once an hour.
3) My satellite is out.
This is where I really take offense. Do you know that the UCF v USF game is on at 7:00? Do you know I told all of my USF and UCF friends in the area to come over and watch my college get pummeled by Gabe’s college tonight? This will be a very boring football game if there are six of us gathered around my monitor watching the live scoreboard on CBS Sportsline for three hours.
So listen up Hanna (If that is even your real name. What kind of storm spells Hannah without the “h” on the end anyway?) cut it out, hurry up and blow by.
And while you are at it stop flooding the road between my house and the beer store.
Holy sweet mother of Jebus I look like I have leg acne.
The mosquitoes are brutal this year.
Brutal I tell you! I would take a picture of how bad my legs looks but 1) I am afraid to shave because I have so many scabs and 2) I can’t find my camera.
This leads me to say something I never thought I would say. Ever.
I can’t wait until it gets cold out.
I know I will regret that the second it starts snowing and I’ll start whining about how I grew up in Florida and how thin my blood is. I will probably also complain that I don’t have any snow boots and sweaters take up way more room in the washing machine forcing me to do twice as many loads of laundry each week. (Which ought to bring my wash total to three hundred loads a week.*)
So yeah, I said it. I am looking forward to fall for one reason only. Less bugs.
Well, and obviously football. And chili. And school starting, and hockey games with Nancy, and it won’t matter if I don’t shave because I will wear long pants every day, and I we won’t have to mow the lawn as often and stew.
Wait a second. Do I like cold? Am I naturalizing into a northerner?
(I realize I was born in Ohio and hence have embraced the “Yankee” label my whole life. And yes, I know Virginia is technically the south, but if I have to get stuck in Beltway traffic four times a week I am claiming my residence as the DC suburbs. Plus, it snows here. )
Or is this just something that happens at the end of ever summer to everybody?
* Not how many loads I actually do, but how many loads of dirty clothes the four of us make in a week.
Yes, I am reading young adult fiction. I am reading an entire series of young adult fiction - and it is about vampires - and I am staying up way to late at night to read these books.
Gabe is never going to let me live this one down.
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Confession #2. I have an inexplicable craving for Hamburger Helper. The cheeseburger macaroni kind.
Yes, I know it is gross that is why I have included it in my embarrassing confessions post.
Ew. Really gross. Just look at that picture. That could turn people into vegetarians.
(Didn’t work. I’m still craving it. It is as if my body is lacking salt and fat.)
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Confession #3. Yesterday I had to create a new Yahoo account because when I went to sign up for the Mommy Needs Fantasy Football League Yahoo informed me that I was already participating in the maximum number of leagues allowed.
Who is Yahoo to judge me?
I can handle fantasy football. I don’t have a problem. I can quit anytime I want.
Hmph.
Anyway, I can’t talk. I need to see what Edward and Bella are up to quickly before my next draft starts.
Nobody tell me anything! I just started the second book, New Moon and I don’t want to know anything. I already accidentally found out about Jacob and I wish I didn’t know.
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Edited to add: I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself.
My son is completely obsessed with Transformers. He talks about them all the time. He would watch the show 12 times a day if I let him. It is the first things he asks for when he wakes up in the morning. Yes, he may be a touch young for that level of violence but he loves it so much. He probably has 10 different Transformers and he know the name of each one.
He dreams about Transformers. He is going to be Bumblebee for Halloween.
This afternoon I was shopping for a gift for a birthday party when I saw him. Opti-Mash Prime.
How could I not buy him? A Mr. Potato Head that was dressed like Optimus Prime! Sure my kids have more toys than any two children could possibly require, but I think I would have actually been a negligent mother to pass up this opportunity.
Gabe and I try not to spoil the kids too much - we try to leave that up to the grandparents but today I could not resist. Ian has been carrying him around all afternoon.
I knew he would love it.
And yes, of course I had to buy something for the girl too. She is playing with these things right now. You can’t tell from the picture but they are sparkly.
I don’t know why the people baking cookies with their kids on TV always look so happy.
I thought it would be a good rainy day activity yesterday so The Goon Squad and I decided to make cookies.
Well, technically we decided to make cupcakes, but I only had two eggs and the box recipe called for three eggs. And my neighbors weren’t home. And I had a package of sugar cookie mix, so cookies it was.
In commercials they show a well groomed lady in a clean kitchen smiling with cooperative and appreciative children that are all wearing pants.
In my house only two of us were wearing pants and I made the other one put on underwear before he could “bake” anything. The kitchen was a wreck from the get go and my hair… let’s just say I haven’t showered since yesterday and I went to the gym this morning.
The directions were simple. A stick of softened butter, one egg and the mix.
Have you ever tried stirring a dry powdery mixture with two four year olds helping?
I do not reccomend this activity to anyone. (Except my enemies.)
It went poorly but eventually I got the first sheet of cookies into my oven. Then it went like this:
Are they done yet? How about now? How about now? Are they done now? Now? Now? How about now? Mommmmmmmy, are they done yet?
and on and on for 9 minutes.
Times four sheets of cookies.
And then:
Can I eat one now? Are they cool enough now? Why are they too hot? Why are you putting them on that rack? Can I eat it now? How about now? Now? I’ll only eat the cold part. Can I eat one now? Are they done now? Can I eat one now? Mommmmmmmmmy this is taking forever. This is taking one million years. Can I eat one now?
Until they cooled.
Then came the frosting. It took 10 minutes and they each frosted ONE cookie.
After that they complained about it.
Those commercials lie. Now my kitchen is an even bigger mess than it was when I started.
And now I am too full from eating cookie dough to go back in there and clean it up.
It is entirely possible that I gained five pounds and I don’t even really like sugar cookies all that much.
The next time it rains I am buying a bag of Oreos and renting a DVD.
Mommy Mommy! I saw something on tv that I want to do. Go on Sprout online dot com. It said to grab your Mom OR Dad.
_______
I’ve had that line sitting in my drafts folder for about six weeks now. Ian is the biggest sucker in the world for commercials. At first I thought it was just the websites for kids networks that he was into - maybe he just liked the games that they showed on television. But no.
Yesterday I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Ian wandered in as I was putting away the leftovers.
Ian: Aw, man. I wish we had green bags.
Me: Why do you need a bag?
Ian: Green bags.
Me: You want a green bag?
Ian: Green Bags. You know, Green bags. They can keep food fresh for up to six days. Regular bags can’t do that.
Me: *speechless*
He is like a walking infomercial.
In fact, I just checked with him to make sure this picture was what he was talking about. He gave me a short speech about how the bananas on the left were fresh and the ones on the right were yucky. The he went through the same diatribe with the strawberries. I said “You said six days this says nine days” and he said (I swear I am not making this up) “Yes! UP to nine days!”
I want you people all to swear to me right now that nobody will ever introduce my son to Home Shopping Network.
(I’ve done some research on the actual Seven Signs of the Apocalypse that were alluded to in The Bible but nobody actually seems to know exactly what they are. Horsemen and pestilence? Famine? Locust?
Wait do locust count as pestilence? Whatever.)
All I am saying is if you think that strange happenings could be signs of the return of Jesus to Earth you might want to go to church because today some things happened that I can’t explain.
1) I volunteered to mow the lawn. Seriously. Gabe was going to mow the lawn and I actually asked if I could do it. Then I mowed the lawn and I didn’t hate it.
2) I heard Queensryche in the grocery store. And it wasn’t “Silent Lucidity” either. It was something off of “Operation : Mindcrime”. Remember when you could only hear Queensryche on Headbangers Ball? Nope. Queensryche at Safeway.
Either it is almost time for The Rapture or I am getting old.
young adult fiction - and it is about vampires - and I am staying up way to late at night to read these books.
